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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.