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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion