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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.