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Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.