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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.