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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.