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Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.