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I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.