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All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.