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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?