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I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Iām home alone. Time to start my concert.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."