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Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
life is short play naked
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......