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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?