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Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
justin bieber
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)