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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.