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I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell