Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.