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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it