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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.