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So many rules; so little time to break them.
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.