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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.