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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.