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I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.