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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.