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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. Iām flattered.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
It takes balls to be a man.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you