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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?