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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I drink coffee for your protection.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?