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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."