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i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
insert coin to view my status
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.