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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.