Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.