Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"