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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do