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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.