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If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.