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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
High fiving was the original "like".
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.