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Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.