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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
I just made you think of an elephant
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right