Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Life is fun! You should get one.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?