Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!