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If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.