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if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.