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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.