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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?