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When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
with great power...comes great electric bill...
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)