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Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.