Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.