Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)