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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.