Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
I wish common sense was more common.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.