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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
So... Where does one obtain minions?