Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
My mom says I`m special.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them