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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.