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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?