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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.