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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.