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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Velcro is a ripoff
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.