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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
The problem with diets is pizza.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.