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I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."