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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving Iām going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.