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Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.