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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
Siri, where are my pants?
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.