Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.