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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women