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I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.