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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.