Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
What number SPF blocks people?
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
My body needs a refresh button.