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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.