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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
The future was so much cooler in the past.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.