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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.