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Never judge a book by it`s movie.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!