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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
Do bees even have knees?
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I never finish anyth...............
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes