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What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.