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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now