Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.