Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.