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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.