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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!