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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.