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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?