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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?